In Good Hands

When do you cling closer to God? In happy times or sad moments? Few years past, I conversed with God and asked Him to let me stay constantly glued to him in any given circumstance. I admit that when I was way younger, I seek His guidance and call upon Him when I feel lonely or when I needed something. When everything is in a smooth road, time with Him became shorter. I did not want that anymore because I know that God deserves so much more.

Lately, I have been feeling quite at a loss as to what direction to take. You know that feeling when an anticipated grief occurs and no matter how you prepared yourself for it, it still hits you big time. That is my state now. Emptiness, sadness, sorrow came all at once inside me at an unguarded moment. I panicked,did not exactly know what to do. Every tiny bit of news is slowly yet strongly piercing my being. I knew it was painful because I was crying while watching basketball and sobbed much playing Temple Run. Twist of events is crushing me into pieces.

Stroke and all, I told my mom I was sad,she sympathized. I asked her to pray for me. I texted my best friends this disappointment hasn't set in for a long period and now that is it present, I am not sure how to deal with it.  It became almost unbearable, I had to write my thoughts randomly on a paper. All these helped one way or another.Yet I know I need a more solid wall to lean on.

Truth be told, I am a prayerful person. I pray at any given time.This is one of my personal objectives. With what is happening in the past few days though, it dawned on me that it is not enough. I rattled and choked. I hated the idea that I was beginning to be doubtful of His plans for me. I do not want to have any reasons to question Him. And this is what feared me most. I prayed so intensely, knocking on heaven's door. I was scared and insecure. I asked the universe to conspire with me to help me achieve my wish. I keep on begging for the angels and saints' intercession. Novenas, rosaries, prayer books were beside me. I write to God my heart's laments.

One book I read and try to reflect on is an outdated Our Daily Bible, yesterday's story immensely helped me cope with what I'm going through. I know this is God's way of telling me I must not worry,come hell or high water,He will surely be my #1 Savior.

"Bad things happen- tragic and horrible things. Good things happen- amazing and miraculous things. And all these happen randomly to us. But it is no random to God who cradles our aching hearts. He knows...Suffering will come. But God is larger than the events that seem to contradict God's goodness. 

There is only ONE who knows

All the answer to my woes;

He will all my needs supply

When in faith to Him I cry.

God is always in control behind the scenes. 

I am still sad, my heart is still hurting, I do not yet envision a clear picture of the unwelcome changes swirling fast around me. I am kindly asking pain and sorrow to not be too comfy sitting inside me for a long time because in actuality, I do not like them. It is safe to say anyhow that I feel better and stable now. I am reminded again that I do not need to understand every thing that is happening and about to arrive, all I need to know is that He will shield me and hug me tight when it becomes more than what my threshold can tolerate. Lastly, in spite of the black and gray shadows hovering my being, I still feel it in my bones that LIFE is beautiful.

Pray. Pray. Pray.