missing him makes me crazy

I hate what I am feeling at this very time. I wish it would vanish in a snap of a finger. I am praying that tomorrow soon as I wake up, my heart will be back at its happy and content condition.I stay firm with my "No dramas" policy in public especially when it comes to matters of romance and men. Excuse myself for this blog, I need to write it down to take the heavy load off my chest. Hopefully, no one will waste time to read this.


I hate missing Crush. It is not healthy. I get easily irritated,tired and grumpy with his absence. I am disappointed with my own reactions. I babble about the most senseless thing. Once I even mentioned to my students, "My wish for today is to see my crush."It did not happen.:( Soon as I arrived home, I told Mamang I was really lonely because I did not see him. I begged that she prays for me,maybe sensing I was serious about it, she gave the thought a minute or two and she finally agreed. I need my mother's help here.


I see everyone...except him.I honestly feel it is unfair. I do not want to have even just the slightest reason to ask God why. I know it is improper and wrong. BUT,he is a great and guilt-free source of my joy.This time I am sure nobody gets hurt.Besides, he has such a positive and strong effect on me. I am more alive,happier,nicer,more patient and understanding and more forgiving. Believe me when I say that all I just want is a minute to glimpse him. Makita ko nga lang anino nya,my day is complete. Pero wala sya!! 


I do my monologue now.. repeatedly reminding myself I am already happy and complete even before I made a conscious effort to list him as my definite and confirmed crush.Yes I still am. I continue to see and acknowledge the beauty and blessings I receive and my heart is warm with gratitude for everything.Nevertheless, I am deeply saddened with the realization that I could be happier and more complete with him in my existence. 


Missing him makes me cry. It makes me weak inside out. Nararamdaman ko nababawasan na ang ganda ko with his absence. Where is he?I seek,seek and seek yet he manages to keep on hiding.I am actually beginning to hate him.


Harry's quote on FB strucked me to pieces," You will definitely lead a happy life without me, be successful and complete without me....yet I know I will be the sweetest stranger in your lifetime."